How are you? No really. How. Are. You?
How many times have you asked that or been asked that, over the past few weeks? It’s a collective urge at the moment, to find out how you are. It means: ‘How are you coping?’ in these really strange times that we are all living through at the moment!
Dublin is asleep. It’s been paused. I took the photo above when I was coming back from bringing my cocooning mum her shopping. We live on opposite sides of the city so I have to cross the Liffey River to get to her. It was so quiet that I could slow down the car, and quickly snap this photo as I was driving over the bridge. Don’t tell my mum I did that! I often mentally complain about the amount of cars that are on this dividing bridge: I particularly don’t like the squash that occurs when we all must join one lane to cross it, when we are coming from three, when I come Southside of the city to Northside, where I live. Well, you should be careful what you wish for ‘cos i’ll tell you now – it was eerie to cross on a Sunday evening and not have one car in front of me or behind…
For the past few months, I have been trying to restart this blog. So much has happened since I wrote my last blog post here, it would take way too long to explain all of it now. I guess it will come in time. But one main thing that has changed since I wrote here last, is that I had to let go of my course in Interior Design and dream to become an Interior Designer. I think I owe you that? Some of you have been here with me since the start and other’s have joined me along the way. Maybe this is the first time you have read my words. Well, to be brief. In 2014, I discovered that I had really fallen in love with Interior Design. I had to share that love, because that’s who I am. I’m a trained teacher and I guess this never leaves you, as, as soon as I would discover something, I simply had to share it – to impart the information. Nothing has changed there! I’m still sharing away – it’s just been over on Instagram and Facebook for the last few years. I got the notion that my little blog needed TLC and refused to write on it until it looked and felt the way I wanted it to. Well, I have a super friend working away on designing this site to make it work better and look better, but Pandemics give you perspective, it seems, and when I felt like writing a blog post tonight, nothing was going to stop me. Crappy looking blog or no crappy looking blog!!
So, I digress. My course was tough and I also became crippled with perfection. The assignment that I would produce would never equate the amount of time and effort I had put into it. When I failed an assignment (finding out on the last few days of holidays), I cracked. This assignment had taken so much out of me and it was such an effort to submit it before I left for holidays, so that I could relax.
It quite simply broke me. During the course, I realised something that l had suspected for a long time: I had a major problem with number. I’m not sure if it is full blown Dyscalcula, but it’s sure as hell close to it. My measurements came back all askew, even after I had checked, checked and checked again. I guess I was in denial. But, it was pretty clear to me now – this was going to be a pretty big stumbling block for an Interior Designer! I re-grouped. I gave it one last big push. I met with my college co-ordinator and we both agreed on continuing for the following 3 months and seeing where we were at then. The three months passed and despite my best efforts at the time, the assignment, my cross to bear, just simply couldn’t be finished and I quit.
It’s a strange thing, failure. It’s very humbling. I went through a lot of emotions. Shame being the main one, if I’m honest. How was I going to admit to everyone that this was not going to be my dream job, after all? Rhetoric is strong – “Failure is NOT an option” – we are told. Well, I’m here to tell you, a good three years later, that failure is necessary. The failure of this course has taught me a lot about myself and the people around me. No one, not one person, made me feel I was a failure for quitting the course. I did that all by myself.
So! Where am I at now? Well, here we are all in the middle of a global pandemic, have no worries about forgetting the year 2020 in a hurry, and what can I not stop thinking about? Writing my blog again! Now, more than ever, I need a space of my own. As a Stay At Home Mum, my time on my own is super important and as this has disappeared in the blink of an eye, I must clamber back time for me: creative time! I was very lucky to order some paint just before the full lockdown, here in Ireland and I’m itching to get out in the garden and paint everything I can get my hands on!
While my gorgeous friend is going to work away on this blog and make it work better for me, I’ll pop by if the mood takes me, and have a little chat. It will go back to being a blog about Design, never fear, but I may chronicle the ups and downs still, because, well, y’know…Life?
In the meantime, Thank you if you read this far. It’s much appreciated. I really hope this finds you well, safe and healthy. We’ll get through this. One step at a time.